I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
