does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
