Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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