I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
