Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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