it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She bit a glass in half.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
