She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
