Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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