I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
