those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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