i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
