I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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