Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
