We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
