I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
