I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
40s are totally the cure
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
