K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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