I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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