I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
