when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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