Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
