garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
