Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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