Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
