I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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