I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i think i have herpe
just one?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
