the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Found the puke drawer
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
