We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
