I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
