it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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