and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
