hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
