Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
