you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
