I can text with my tongue
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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