do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
