I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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