we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I need a beard to bite.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
