Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
