It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
