drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
