dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
sex in a hospital.. check
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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