My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you traded sex for a burrito?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Randomize
