I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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