Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
