Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
