I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
