I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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