Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
3 2 1 whiskey
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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