Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
