My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
